Monday, January 19, 2009

Crunchy Or Smooth?


OMG AND WTF? Have the terrorist finally won people?

Losing weight should be a non-issue from now on seeing as the FDA is systematically pulling two thirds of my caloric intake off the shelves. Oh sure, they say they are not focused on the jars yet, but these are the same people who brought us "duck & cover" and told us to duct tape our windows shut at the first whiff of anthrax. I'm guessing the stuff in the jars is more toxic than the sticky crap stuck on the microwave in the reactor control room at Cherynobyl. Salmonella. PFFFFFFFT!!! Whatever. Isn't that a bacteria? Isn't that what penicillin is for? Don't we radiate, sterilize, fumigate, and pasteurize all that crap anyway? If we can't even protect peanut butter I think it's time to head down to that shelter your not so crazy after all Grandfather built back in the late 50's, slide all 5 deadbolts home, and set the timer for January 20th, 2058 or so.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


Has anybody checked out my wife's blog lately? She is totally kicking my ass in the mileage department. This is unacceptable. Once this fever breaks, things are gonna change. Maybe. Actually, the trainer is starting to make me want to vomit, so I've been trying to run. Yeah, it's not biking, but I figure it's at least maintaining cardio fitness, and it's keeping me from getting fat, so you know, any port in a storm, except those Canadian arctic air mass storms. I am not running in -22 degree weather. That is actual temperature mind you, not the wind chill. Call me a wuss, I don't care.

For those of you who haven't been keeping up with the posts I haven't been posting, I have been sick pretty much since Thanksgiving. There was a brief break of fairly decent health for two weeks in early January, but that ended yesterday morning when I woke up with a 102.2 fever.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Which numbers Joel, WHICH NUMBERS?!?!?!?!

I was wondering how long I could go before Joel started demanding numbers. Well which numbers do you want, the number of times I ate at McDonalds, or the number of times I ate at Burger King? Perhaps the number of Double Stuffed Oreos I consumed? Do you want the number of times I thought about getting up early to work out, but the idea of kicking a leg over the trainer made me throw up a little in my mouth, so I hit snooze and slept in till almost noon?

I took almost 2 weeks off of work and didn't do much of anything. I slept in, I gorged, I did nothing unless I absolutely had to do it. So yeah, if you think I am getting back on the scale for another week or two, you're on crack. Call me weak, call it head in the hole denial, I don't care. My delicate male ego is not prepared to confront the scale at this point.

The good news is my backslide just reinforced a lot of the reasons I started trying to clean up my act in the first place. It didn't take long before everything came back, the wheezing, the insomnia, the heartburn, the feeling that if I did actually get up and exert myself I would sweat high fructose corn syrup. I woke up Monday morning with fresh resolve and went for a little run before work. Then i woke up again Tuesday morning with the same resolve, but legs that couldn't bend at the knee they were so stiff and sore. Everybody at work noticed too, i was back to shuffling around the office like I have arthritis, whining every time I had to get out of my chair.

The Warden is back on the wagon too. She has been hitting the stationary bike and tonight instituted Family Yoga Night. Yeah, I know, Family Yoga Night, WTF!?!?!?!?! Don't knock it till you try it. I had to lose like 5 lbs of sweat/residual high fructose corn syrup in one 30 minute session. The little guy loved it too. He is all about keeping the family team together, and it was a good change for him to have Mom and Dad exercising right there next to him instead of yelling from the sidelines. He dug it. He wants to get his own yoga mat and everything.

Sorry, tried to warn you. I don't normally lift photos off my wife's blog, but that one was too cute to pass up.